I stumbled upon some definitions that i couldn’t wait to share with you all a) because its funny and b) because its true. If you’re unfortunately in the position where you find yourself looking for work, what follows is a list of definations of what some terms really mean when on the search.
‘Competitive Salary’- we remain competitive by paying less than our competitors
‘Join Our Fast-Paced Team‘- we don’t have much time to train you
‘Good Communication Skills‘- we communicate, you listen and figure out what you gotta do
‘Team Leadership Skills‘- you’ll be responsible as a manager without the pay and respect
‘Problem Solving Skills‘- you walking into a company in chaos
‘Wide Variety Of Experience‘- you gonna need it to replace 3 people that just left
‘No Phone Calls Please‘- we’ve already filled the position
‘Apply In Person‘- if you’re old, fat or ugly we’re gonna say the positions been filled
‘Career Minded‘- ladies must not have kids (and must remain that way)
‘An Eye For Detail‘- we have no quality control
‘Duties Will Vary‘- we can tell you to do anything and everyone will boss you around
‘Some Overtime Required‘- some each night and some on the weekend
‘Deadline Orientated‘- you’re gonna be months behind schedule as soon as you start
‘Casual Work Atmosphere‘- we don’t pay you enough so no need to dress up
If you’re an employer and reading this don’t worry we haven’t forgotten about you. Here are a few definitions on terms to look out for when recruiting employees.
“I’m personable“- I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers
“I take pride in my work“- I blame others when i stuff up
“My pertinant work experience include“- please don’t ask about my previous jobs.
“I’m honest, hardworking and dependable“- I pilfer office supplies
“I’m extremely adept at all manners of office organization“- i’ve used microsoft office
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